potty training hell!!

OMG, potty training a stubborn child SUCKS!! Kiwi was a year and 5 months old at Christmas, and she got her first potty and a training book. Since then,we started potty training her. We would take her every night before bath...and a handful of times she would go. Then, she had a complete aversion to the potty. She would throw a fit, scream,kick...and refuse to even sit on the potty. None the less, she would still be put on it every night before bath. When I was pregnant with Bubba I became serious about training. Put her in panties all day...for two days...then I gave up. She wasn't ready! She didn't care that she had wet or soiled herself, she kept on playing. I had taken her to the potty every 15 minutes, and she never went in the potty. It was frustrating for me and her. So, I gave it time. Talked to her docs and everybody else. (Literally, everyone had input....even the negative haters, who claimed that I was an awful mother bc my almost 3 yr old wasn't potty trained.) I listened to the advice of my daughter's docs, which was that I should only do positive encouragement...no negativity at all about potty training.... and eventually they told me to not even mention training. They said she is just stubborn. So, despite the evil words being said about me, my parenting abilities and my daughter herself. I didn't force nor punish my daughter into training. When G left, Kiwi promised him she'd be potty trained before he got back home. G comes home in 2 days!!!! So, with his return quickly approaching, her 4th b-day just passing, and a 2 week break in preschool schedule....I decided the time was right!!! It is HELL!! I take her every hour from the time she wakes up, till she goes to bed. She is only in panties during her waking hours and diapers at bed. (I had to lie and tell her that the stores won't sell me diapers for her anymore bc she's now 4 and they can't sell to 4 yr olds...bc my too smart little girl says she"only wants diapers" and when told that all of her friends are in big kid underwear she says "Mommy, I don''t want to be like everyone else.")She has not actually gone (not potty/urine nor poop) on the potty for me at all!! She has gone poop (she had started in her panties and said something, so she was rushed to the toilet where she finished going) on the potty once and potty/pee once for the babysitter. (I had errands to run in preparation for Kiwi's 4th b-day party and G's return home.)However, those victories were on Monday and Tuesday and today is now Thursday and there has been no other successes!!She simply just goes in her panties and keeps on playing w/o a single care or thought. She doesn't say when she has to go. I'm beyond frustrated!! However, I refuse to lash out negatively. (In desperation, at the advice of my bff, I spanked her twice today after two times when she had wet herself w/o telling me she had to go. I felt like since the positive rewards system of getting something for going on the potty wasn't working....maybe the consequence system of spankings would....but, that didn't work, and I felt awful.) This sucks!!!! She is still refusing to sit on the potty and simply isn't even telling me when she has to go...does she even get that she has to go???? ARRGGHH!!!!!