Monday, June 29, 2015
The meeting with our IFs went great! It seemed like we had been talking for less than an hour...when a time checked proved that we had actually been talking nonstop for 2.5 hours! :) Both IFs were very sweet and everything flowed nicely. We exchanged numbers and have become FB friends as well now. Moving on to the next steps in the journey. IFs said that they have found a proven egg donor. (Proven meaning that the donor has already had a donation that went smoothly. She actually just donated recently and a pregnancy occurred.) So, now donor has to be medically cleared by the RE. In the meantime, I am waiting for the RE to set up my consult appt. Then, after that it should be med screening (again) with IFs RE...they also do a mock cycle and mock transfer, which I've never done before. (Those are done on CD2. So, that hopefully will be mid July.)My IFs said that they will be contacting their lawyer, so we can move quickly on the contract after I pass medical screening.So far, everything is moving along smoothly. YAY!
Friday, June 26, 2015
Oh what a glorious thing to wake up to....my facebook feed full of love and the wonderful news that gay marriage is now the law of the land!!!! Legal in all 50 states! What a great day to be alive, in the history of this country! This is amazing news for all Americans! I'm so incredibly happy to know that the marriages of people I love and hold dear, will now be viewed as equal all over this country! I'm thrilled, as a mother, that this is now a law...because it means that my children will have the right to marry whomever they love!!
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Hello all :) I've learned that my IFs have signed their agency contract! Yay! G and I will be meeting our IFs (intended fathers) in person this Sunday, June 28th. I'm very happy, excited...but also apprehensive bc of how everything went down with my last match.
Friday, June 12, 2015
After being "matched" with a difficult situation for 7 months...it was so hard for me to move on with nothing. (Not even a penny was owed to me!) The agency had faith that they'd be able to quickly match me again...this time with a couple more compatible. It was hard to be back in the "waiting to match game." However, I was informed of a "really great couple" who are very "easy going" and "easy to work with." Sounded like heaven to me :)On May 29th the IP coordinator sent me over the profile of a couple who loved my profile! It is a local same sex couple! On Wednesday, the 10th, we had our match call....and are now officially matched!! They are supposed to be signing their agency contract, then I will have to get medically cleared by their RE doc...then it's on to contract and transfer :) Only catch with them is that they need to locate and screen an egg donor. Wish me luck that this match goes smoothly and quickly! :) I'll keep updating as the process goes along
I am a pretty patient person...however, even the most patient person will have their patience tested from time to time. The next chapter in my surrogacy journey did just that....all because of these particular IPs. Once we officially matched, the IPs needed to sign their own contract with the agency. It took mine several WEEKS to do that!! Not normal! (As I mentioned, they're lawyers.) They wanted to revise the agencies preexisting contract!After waiting nearly a month, the IP coordinator contacted me and offered me the chance to switch to another couple. He sent me another couple's profile. I just felt badly, I am loyal and patient. Although they were lovely, G and I felt we should stick it out with the IPs we matched with...we'll call the T & N. Near the end of January, they finally signed their agency contracts!! Then began my medical screening process with their chosen RE. I made an appt. and had my testing done at the end of January. Everything came back good and I was cleared to be their GS. On the other hand...they hadn't done their testing or started the egg retrieval process. G and I also went and had our mental health screening done...and passed! Everything on our end was done and great!! T & N, on the other hand, seemed to be dragging their feet at every possible turn. (I don't even know how many times I was told "this is not normal" from my SCM.) From my understanding, most IPs come into surrogacy with frozen embryos already...or at least having already had consult and work ups done with their RE. T & N had done nothing prior to approaching surrogacy...and they were taking their time to get all the required testing done. Which included have an ER from N and pgd testing on any embryos that made it to that stage. Although we still didn't even know if they would have good quality eggs/sperm/embryo at all.....we moved ahead into the "contract phase". Essentially this is my legal contract with them. Which required more patience from me...as they took their time to review and find a lawyer to their standards. I chose my lawyer and retained them in the beginning of March. I finally obtained a draft of the contract from their lawyer in the beginning of April. The draft was so not what I ever thought it would be. I had pages upon pages of notes to discuss with my lawyer....who assured me that my thoughts and requested changes were more reasonable and "normal". Their drafted contract was ridiculous, to say the least. They were changing things that they shouldn't...compensation that was already agreed upon between the agency and I, when I joined the agency....also things that we had agreed upon at match and verbally since (as it has been 3.5 months since then at this point already.)I was shocked!My lawyer and I did some changes and submitted that to their lawyer. On April 29th, the IPs submitted another draft to us.....which essentially was the exact same as the original draft! Except this time the had omitted my personal OBGYN (which we had agreed from prior to match call I would use) completely, instead they changed the contract to state that they would choose my OBGYN!! I spoke immediately to my lawyer! Their unwillingness to compromise and the fact that they blatantly were changing pre agreed upon stipulations was not ok with us!! My lawyer responded to them and informed them that I had already made and submitted the changes that I was comfortable with....essentially it was then left up to them to accept the draft we gave them...or the match was off. I spoke often with my SCM and had even had a conference call with her and the owner of the agency. Both of them were in agreement that the match was becoming too hostile and they encouraged me to end it. I was so heartbroken!! As one last resort attempt to mend the relationship with the IPs (as we had been talking and texting since match) and continue the match, I asked the agency owner to contact the IPs and offered to compromise on a "hot topic" of theirs...if they'd agree to compromise on the items that were outrageously ridiculous. They took a bit to discuss amongst themselves and came back with partially compromise. I was encouraged by the owner to end the match...and with a heavy heart, I did...at the beginning of May! At the end, I was defensive to everything they said/requested and it was just a rough situation...the owner didn't want me in an unhealthy surrogacy situation.
We finally had our match call on Dec. 3rd. (G was out of state again for work from the end of Oct. until right before Christmas.) We had a good, long call and answered question, confirmed previous agreements, and made new agreements...all leading up to what I assumed would be a match. After the very long call...G and I agreed that we liked them...although they were very difficult and demanding (we weren't looking at their personalities... we liked them as people and wanted to help them reach their dreams of a family.) We notified our SCM (surrogacy case manager) of our intent to match. :) We discovered that even after the 6 weeks of answering questions...waiting patiently for them to be comfortable to set a call...and after the long call. They still weren't ready to commit to a match....without meeting us in person. With G being gone and the holidays approaching, I knew that a meeting wouldn't happen right away.They wanted to wait until the beginning of the year,. 2015. I told the agency to keep my profile active and continue to look for other IPs for me. I didn't want to be on hold, in limbo. When they learned that I was still active, they quickly decided to meet as soon as G got home. We meet in person on Saturday, Dec. 20th. Although there was nothing new to go over...the meeting went well and we all decided to officially match! :)
At WCS, IPs (intended parents) are shown my profile and when one thinks that I am a good fit to be their surrogate, I am then shown their profile. If I agree, we are then scheduled a match call (a conference call that includes the IPs, G and myself, as well as our agency case manager- the person from the agency who will remain our liaison throughout the course of our surrogacy journey, who is or was a surrogate herself.) Pretty quickly (w/in about a month) I had a potential match. I had a match call set, and had been in contact with my case manager. However, on the day of the call, I received a call from the agencies IP coordinator. I was informed that late the night before my potential IPs had emailed him and informed him that they had been in touch with a doctor who had provided them with a second opinion...which was that that doctor felt that the IM (intended mother) could possibly be able to carry a pregnancy on her own, after all. They had an appt set to meet with that doc in two weeks. They didn't feel that it would be fair to me to do the match call...match, then cancel the match if she could carry. So, the call was canceled. :( After that, I frequently checked in with the IP coordinator and learned that many IPs were turned off to the fact that I was IF and had done ivf. Which to me (and him) was so odd, especially bc ivf or fet are how pregnancy is achieved in surrogacy. To us, my successful ivf history was a positive thing. Unfortunately many IPs, who possibly didn't understand fully, simply didn't agree. So, it took a little longer for me to find another potential match. By mid October, the coordinator, began talking to me about a potential local couple who loved my profile. I received their profile near the end of October and agreed to move forward with them to see if we'd be a good match. These IPs were very different and more demanding than most (I was told...and became aware of on my own.)They were both lawyers (which can give you an idea of their personalities.) They had a ton of questions they wanted answered before they would even agree to a match call (which isn't too common)....but the most unusual thing (and completely unheard of by the agency) was that they wanted to review 5 years of past medical history...not just pregnancy and birth...but ALL my medical history for the past 5 years!!! It took awhile for me to get all my urgent cares (as I don't see a primary care doc) to get the records to the agency. Then it took nearly 6 weeks for the IPs to review everything. (They took their time.) Before They finally decided that they were comfortable to move forward and set the match call.
Being IF and knowing the pain and despair of not being able to have your dreams of having a child/family come true....I have for many years had it in my heart to "pay it forward" (my good blessings of becoming a mother through the miracle of ivf) and to help another couple realize their dreams of having a child/family. So, last summer I began my journey into becoming a GS/GC!! (Gestational Surrogate/Carrier. I would be using my womb to carry someone else's embryo/s...no genetic link to me.) G and I had talked off and on over the course of our marriage about me doing surrogacy. It was always something we felt drawn to do..."when the time was right." I had always thought that I'd look into it when both kids were in school full time. However, this past summer we had a friend living with us (as a way of helping him get onto his feet after unexpectedly getting out of the military.) He actually was the one that lite the surrogacy fire in us. He was home full time, and a tremendous help to me with the kids. He encouraged us to look into surrogacy now, opposed to waiting...he would help with household and childcare chores...and my age was nearly at the cutoff mark for most agencies. (I am 34 now, most have a 35 or 38 year old cutoff.) So, with G's approval, I began researching online for local surrogacy agencies. (It was my desire to find a couple who was local, so they could be actively involved in the pregnancy and birth of their child/ren.) I emailed and/or called a handful, before I narrowed it down to my top 2 picks. I did applications for both and spoke to representatives at both. In the end, I preferred one over the other (based on their "customer service.") So, in August, I signed up with that agency, WCS (West Coast Surrogacy and Egg Donation.)
Monday, June 8, 2015
Is anyone still out there...reading this? It has been FOREVER since I've posted! 2 years!! I'm so sorry! Life has been crazy and busy! Some updates: Kiwi just finished her first year of school..Kindergarten! She'll be 6 years old next month!! Bubba occasionally goes to "preschool". He just started participating in a homeschool pe program as well...he enjoys that :)He is 3 1/2 years old! G and I are doing well...celebrated 8 years of wedded bliss this past April. (We went on an amazing cruise in March. Just the 2 of us! It was wonderful!) We've been in "new" home for 2 years now and are loving it!! The neighborhood is great...I love the elementary school. This move has really been a blessing! I'l make another post later with some other new adventures we're taking on. :)