Friday, June 12, 2015
A Lesson on Patience...... my journey with these IPs
I am a pretty patient person...however, even the most patient person will have their patience tested from time to time. The next chapter in my surrogacy journey did just that....all because of these particular IPs. Once we officially matched, the IPs needed to sign their own contract with the agency. It took mine several WEEKS to do that!! Not normal! (As I mentioned, they're lawyers.) They wanted to revise the agencies preexisting contract!After waiting nearly a month, the IP coordinator contacted me and offered me the chance to switch to another couple. He sent me another couple's profile. I just felt badly, I am loyal and patient. Although they were lovely, G and I felt we should stick it out with the IPs we matched with...we'll call the T & N. Near the end of January, they finally signed their agency contracts!! Then began my medical screening process with their chosen RE. I made an appt. and had my testing done at the end of January. Everything came back good and I was cleared to be their GS. On the other hand...they hadn't done their testing or started the egg retrieval process. G and I also went and had our mental health screening done...and passed! Everything on our end was done and great!! T & N, on the other hand, seemed to be dragging their feet at every possible turn. (I don't even know how many times I was told "this is not normal" from my SCM.) From my understanding, most IPs come into surrogacy with frozen embryos already...or at least having already had consult and work ups done with their RE. T & N had done nothing prior to approaching surrogacy...and they were taking their time to get all the required testing done. Which included have an ER from N and pgd testing on any embryos that made it to that stage. Although we still didn't even know if they would have good quality eggs/sperm/embryo at all.....we moved ahead into the "contract phase". Essentially this is my legal contract with them. Which required more patience from me...as they took their time to review and find a lawyer to their standards. I chose my lawyer and retained them in the beginning of March. I finally obtained a draft of the contract from their lawyer in the beginning of April. The draft was so not what I ever thought it would be. I had pages upon pages of notes to discuss with my lawyer....who assured me that my thoughts and requested changes were more reasonable and "normal". Their drafted contract was ridiculous, to say the least. They were changing things that they shouldn't...compensation that was already agreed upon between the agency and I, when I joined the agency....also things that we had agreed upon at match and verbally since (as it has been 3.5 months since then at this point already.)I was shocked!My lawyer and I did some changes and submitted that to their lawyer. On April 29th, the IPs submitted another draft to us.....which essentially was the exact same as the original draft! Except this time the had omitted my personal OBGYN (which we had agreed from prior to match call I would use) completely, instead they changed the contract to state that they would choose my OBGYN!! I spoke immediately to my lawyer! Their unwillingness to compromise and the fact that they blatantly were changing pre agreed upon stipulations was not ok with us!! My lawyer responded to them and informed them that I had already made and submitted the changes that I was comfortable with....essentially it was then left up to them to accept the draft we gave them...or the match was off. I spoke often with my SCM and had even had a conference call with her and the owner of the agency. Both of them were in agreement that the match was becoming too hostile and they encouraged me to end it. I was so heartbroken!! As one last resort attempt to mend the relationship with the IPs (as we had been talking and texting since match) and continue the match, I asked the agency owner to contact the IPs and offered to compromise on a "hot topic" of theirs...if they'd agree to compromise on the items that were outrageously ridiculous. They took a bit to discuss amongst themselves and came back with partially compromise. I was encouraged by the owner to end the match...and with a heavy heart, I did...at the beginning of May! At the end, I was defensive to everything they said/requested and it was just a rough situation...the owner didn't want me in an unhealthy surrogacy situation.