got my bw results

So, the nurse called me today to tell me the results of my prolactin bw. Seems that it is only slightly raised. (She said it was at 36, but didn't say the normal range, and I didn't ask.) So, as of right now, no meds. They will re-test as we get farther along, and go from there!! So, good news, well, better than I thought at least.

The next step....a baby step

Alrighty, we are underway!!!

I called the RE and we set my next (mid cycle) appt for the 2nd of March. I think I'll get a timeline and my meds then. I am excited!!!

FINALLY!!!

The wait is FINALLY over!!!! AF arrived this evening about 8:45 pm. So, I'll call my RE tomorrow, then wait until the mid cycle appt. YAY!!!

Still waiting...so here's some ABC's of me

Still waiting on AF!!!! My boobs hurt (and have for a few days,) I have been bitchy (for a week now) and crampy (for the past few days.) I feel like I've started, only to run to the bathroom and be disappointed!! WTF!!!

So, as I wait, here's something interesting to do....and for you to learn more about me.

(A) Age: 30

(B) Bed Size: Queen (which is just way too small for G, I and the 2 cats and one of our dogs.)

(C) Chore You Hate: All of them!! Folding clothes....I guess

(D) Dogs? 2, Shiloh Michael (who's about 8 yrs old) and Avery Lynn (who's about 2)

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: toothbrush

(F) Favorite Color: green, aqua

(G) Gold or Silver? Silver


(H) Height: about 5'2

(I) Instruments You Play: I played the sax in jr high

(J) Job Title: SAHM

(K) Kids: Kiwi, my ivf miracle....baby #2 hopefully oh the way soon

(L) Live: Born and raised in Southern California

(M) Mom's Name: Kristi

(N) Nicknames: too many. Kimbo is popular

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? had to stay overnight due to a bad reaction to the meds during my tube removal surgery....and 2 nights when I had Kiwi

(P) Pet Peeves: way too many to list. Racist or bigots

(Q) Quote from a Movie: not my fav, but I've watched this movie so much lately "Better out than in" from Shrek

(R) Right or Left Handed? Righty


(S) Siblings: 2 younger and 2 bro in law, 1 almost bro in law, 1 sis in law

(T) Time You Wake Up? 10 am is when I get out of bed

(U) Underwear: bikini briefs

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: asparagus

(W) What Makes You Run Late: everything. I am naturally late all the time. LOL

(X) X-Rays: Too many to list.


(Y) Yummy Food You Make: I've made some great chocolate peanut bitter cakes

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Oh, too many. Monkeys, lions, bears, elephants, giraffes

Hopefullu I'll have news tomorrow!!! Have a good weekend all

WAITING!!!

Oh how I hate to wait!!! We are still waiting!! AF, where are you?!

And we wait!!

So, for the last 5 months or so, AF has come every 26 days like clockwork. However, today (26 days after last months AF,) nothing!!!!!! So, we wait.

RE wants me to call when AF comes. Then he'll see me mid cycle to check that my eggs are developing as they should and that my uterus is lining well. Then (from what I understood,) meds will be ordered....and then a few weeks after taking the meds, transfer time!!!

So, we wait!!! I did get bw done to check my prolactin levels. (I have a tumor on my pituitary gland, plus I BF Kiwi for 13 months.) I'll probably have to take meds to lower the levels again this time, as I did the other 2 times.

It felt weird to leave his office w/o a pill or injection to take. :)

Anxious!!! Have some strange feelings I need to get out...

{This post was written while I was suffering a major case of nerves. I am not trying to be insensitve, as I know that my readers are all suffereing IF, and are still on their journeys to #1. I was just needing someone to tell me that how I feel is normal. I hope you all understand. I love my daughter and look forward to the day that I will hold my son. Just nerves. Thanks}

So, it is finally here, in 16 1/2 hours, I'll be at my RE appt. for baby #2. I don't know for sure if I'll be alone (G works, and my Mom will be helping my sister out after her surgery today) or if my Dad will go with me, taking Kiwi along too....or if he'll stay at my house and watch her(which might be best, as it is right around her nap time and we found out today that she has early pneumonia!!!!)Never the less, I have some strange thoughts and feelings nagging at me. I'm hoping if I vent them here, that someone will read them and reach out to me an help me figure this all out.

Perhaps it's nerves, but I am not as enthusiastic as I thought I'd be at finishing up my family. I mean, I know in my heart of hearts that I want more children. I don't want Kiwi to be an only child. I also know I want them close in age to her. (2 1/2 years is already further than I'd like.)I just have this sinking feeling. I'll try to explain.
- My marriage is in a funk. G works usually 6 days a week, 10 hours a day and he drives a 2 hour commute, one way. He leaves at 2:30 am, gets home about 4 pm and is in bed by 7:30 pm. We have no sex (TMI) life, as I never am in the mood (I haven't been since I had Kiwi.) Plus, we are both stubborn people, which leads to many, many disagreements. He also works so hard and is gone so much that once he does get home, he doesn't want to or can't (because he goes to bed, is too tired to) help out with anything, even Kiwi. all this leaves me feeling like I am in this alone. I don't want to add even more stress and burden (not that a baby is a burden at all) to us, him or me. I just can't continue doing everything on my own (w/o breaks) and then add another baby that I'll be taking care of all alone too.
- Kiwi is a handful!! I love her so much and am so blessed and thankful to have her, but she is so much more work than I ever imagined. (I was a nanny most of my adult years prior to having her.) I thought I was ready and prepared for having a kid. Boy, was I wrong! She is stubborn and strong willed. She constantly needs me...all the time. (Recently I have had a tiny bit of slack, where I can get somethings done w/o having to hold or entertain her constantly.) Am I being selfish in wanting to have another child? How is Kiwi going to take it? How will she be when I can't give her the attention she needs all the time? Then I have the awful thought of.....what if I have a little boy (or 2) and they are just like her?! Just as stubborn, strong willed and needy? I don't think I could handle it. I'd lose my mind. Especially bc I'd be doing it all alone.

Then I think about wither or not I am a good Mom now, as it is. Should I have another kid? I feel like I suck as a Mom. Especially bc I feel like I can't "control" Kiwi sometimes. But, I know that it really isn't me, nor my abilities as a Mother. I know it is just her personality, her temperament. But, boy I do not want another Kiwi. She is a genius, but I want a mellow, easy going, go with the flow little boy. :)

Am I an awful person for feeling/thinking these things? Or does every mother go through similar thoughts/feeling when they are adding or planning to add to their family? I guess I want to know if this is normal. Or, do you think I should never have another kid? All these things I'm feeling, on top of an already stressful ivf process!!!!! Some insight, please. Thanks. I'm so scared to even say anything. Because, I'm not looking for someone to talk me out of my decision, but rather to talk me into it!! If that makes any since. I'm all butterflies in my tummy.

let the countdown begin

6 more days!!!! I'm so excited, and nervous. Our RE appt is in 6 days. I have a list of questions going. I'm bummed that G won't be able to go with me. Plus, I just found out that my sister has minor out patient surgery the day before, so my Mom may have to spend the 16th (day of our appt) with her, if she's not feeling well still. So, I may end up going to my appt completely alone, as my Dad will have to stay at my house and watch Kiwi. All that is making me more nervous.

On a lighter note, we had such a great time last weekend in San Diego. Sea World was a ton of fun. As I predicted though, the puppy back pack leash lasted a whole minute before she complained. :) However, there were so many of us adults there to encourage her to wear "Rufus" that she did, the entire day and the next at the Zoo as well.

Saturday we got a later start than I wanted to. I am not a morning person at all, so I overslept. Then, I hate having to wake Kiwi up, so I waited to the last possible minute to wake her. Which ended up rushing her bfast, but we hit the road only 10 minutes late. Get in the car, and notice I am nearly empty on gas. Great, made us later. However, fun day at Sea World....w/o a nap. Turned into a very rough night for all (except G who had been up since 2 am, and can sleep through anything as it is.) It took both my Mom and I 2 hours to get Kiwi to finally fall asleep. (Too much excitement, over tired, and being in the same room as Grandpa, Grammie, Daddy and Mommy made her not want to go to bed.) However, she woke up 45 mins later. Thankfully she fell back to sleep quickly, and I finally got to bed at midnight. That is, until 3 am, when she woke up again. That time she wasn't going back to bed at all. Finally at 5:15 G woke up and took her out for a drive.....for 2 hours!!! My parents and I got to sleep, but Kiwi didn't. He finally brought her back at about 7:30 am and she had just fallen asleep. Which was about the time we were all supposed to be getting up for bfast and the Zoo. I volunteered to stay and sleep with her for an extra hour, while everyone else ate. :)I was a grouch at the Zoo, but it still was a fun day. Great to see Kiwi get excited about the animals!!

I hope that everyone else had a good weekend. Anyone have Valentine's day plans? We don't celebrate it. It is such a Hallmark Holiday. My parents do come watch Kiwi for us once a month so we can have a date night, which we have planned for the 19th.

Another fun weekend ahead...which has turned me into one of "those" Mom's

12 days until our first ivf #2 appt!!!!! I'm so excited!!!

One of my Mom's best and longest friends (since elementary school) is coming for a visit. She, her hubby and daughter are escaping the cold of Iowa for sunny CA. They fly in today at sometime, hopefully, if the weather allows them. We'll be heading to San Diego for a fun filled weekend of seeing some amazing animals!! Going to Sea World (Kiwi loves Shamu, this will be her 3rd time going. She even sings the Shamu song that she heard back this summer) and then going to the Zoo (kiwi's first time going to the SD Zoo, it's huge and she loves the small zoos we've been to so far, so I know she'll love it.)

So with trips to two amusement parks, I was left with making a decision. One I swore I'd never make. LOL. It's official, I have turned into one of those Mom's who put their kid/s on a leash!!! Yuck!! One of my hugest pet peeves. I would always look at the parents with disgust and think" your kid isn't a dog." I mean, my goodness, a child should be able to hold your hand and behave well. LOL. HA HA HA!!! After Disneyland, I realized a)that she likes to run all over and b) doesn't like to even go into the stroller at all. So, my kid will be on a leash this weekend. (Please, no dirty glares if you see us. LOL.) Kiwi picked out an adorable puppy back pack style leash. Grandpa was there when we got it, so the dog even told him his name, Rufus. Hopefully she'll enjoy it and it won't be a waste of money. As I'm thinking that after being on her back for a few minutes she'll want it off.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.