Thursday, January 10, 2013

unanswered prayers...... (EA update)

I always dreamed of being a Mom. I thought it would just happen. When it didn't, when it became hard, I prayed. I prayed during the injections for our first ivf, I prayed as I lay on the table having my eggs retrieved, I prayed as I lay again on the table having 2 precious embryos transferred into me. As you know, that ivf cycle was not successful, a pregnancy did not result from it. My prayers went unanswered. I was crushed!! But, I again turned to prayer....during my surgery to remove my tubes, throughout all the steps of the fet that resulted in my miracle Kiwi, throughout the process of the second ivf, resulting in my miracle Bubba. I'm sure, like me, you've had unanswered prayers. Prayers that you so desperately wanted/needed fulfilled, and when they didn't, it broken your heart. (Maybe shattered your faith, or made it waiver.) Well, I know in my case, I can now look back and be so grateful for God's grateful for not answering my prayers. Had he answered my prayers during our first ivf, I wouldn't have my amazing, beautiful (stubborn and opinionated) Kiwi. I prayed during our first ivf, and during the fet, for boy/girl twins. If God had answered that prayer, then I wouldn't have my super sweet, such a joy, always happy Bubba. I can't even begin to imagine my life w/o my kids, my two miracles!! I'm so blessed! I know that I can see all this now, I certainly didn't feel blessed nor happy when the devastating news came that the ivf failed!! Just like I now feel that same awful pain....but I feel it for someone I love. It is with such a very sad heart that I report that the second fet was not successful for our embryo adoptive mother, Elle. :( She decided to test a day early, and had her beta bw done of Monday. Unfortunately the beta was less than 2. I'm so crushed for her!! I feel so awful after all that she's been through (2 fet cycles) and all we've (us and them)been through together (finding them, matching with them, creating a contract......etc.) that this didn't work. I'm so sorry Elle!! I'm so sorry that we weren't able to help you become a mother, parents!! I'm so sorry!! I titled this post unanswered prayers, bc I prayed so hard for Elle, I prayed for the embryos. I now that some day, Elle will look back and be grateful for these unanswered prayers. Some day when she is holding her Kiwi or Bubba. (The child she wouldn't have had....if our embryos had stuck.) Elle is going to be such an amazing mother!!! At this time, I pray. I pray that God brings comfort, healing and peace to their hearts. I pray that sooner, rather than later, God will bless Elle and her husband with the child/ren that they so desire! Maybe, right now, somewhere...there child is being conceived, or created...that is what I pray. I don't know where Elle and her husband will choose to go from here. Which avenue they will choose to take in pursuit of their child/ren. Wither it be adoption or embryo adoption. Which ever path they choose, I know in my heart that one day....they will have their family!!! I love you both and will forever hold you in my heart.

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