Thursday, March 22, 2012

moving on....

************* This post is about the ELEPHANT in the room. I am addressing it, and then will hopefully be able to move on. Feel free to not read if you wish, as it is about my personal life dramas and not IF related at all.********************

First, I will say that I am able to write this right now (while I am on "Mommy duty") bc sometimes I do get a very quick "ME" moment after we eat. Kiwi is happy and contact playing in her play area (and often tells me to "go away" so she can play alone. LOL.) Bubba is happy and content. So, I am in no way ignoring my children by getting on the computer to check my emails, fb and blogs.

Second, I love and adore my niece and I love my niece who is joining us next month. Just like the people who have abused us have to live with the consequences of their actions, by not having an active relationship with Kiwi or Bubba. I too have to live with the consequences of my reactions to their abuse! Which means that unfortunately I and my children are not an active part of our Niece's (their cousin) life! It is very painful!! Kiwi adores her cousin! Bc MIL is raising her, and I'm not comfortable with her around dme nor my children, we can;t see her. I have many times mentioned to G that we should contact our niece's father and see if we can get together with her. G has replied that it would cause to much drama and that they would never let us take her (with us to the zoo, etc.) anyways. How on earth could asking to spend time with her Aunt, Uncle and cousins cause drama?! I know that unfortunately we will not have a relationship with our new niece either....despite the fact that it has been thrown in our faces that "they would never keep the baby away from family." Family obviously doesn't include us. I feel that I have done everything in my power to assure that we would be an active part of our new niece' life. So sad!!

Okay, where to start. There is so much I want to say about this issue. This will probably come out all jumbled up. But at least it will be out and off my chest. As, that is the whole purpose of having a blog journal, get things out. I'm an honest and open person. Everything I have ever written here has actually accrued. Yesterday there was major back lash bc G was called by family members of his regarding things I have said in my posts. They've become upset by me writing the drama that has accrued. The abuse and negativity that they have done to us. Reading bad things about yourself (although truthful) must be hard and painful. It must be embarrassing to see your worst moments displayed on someone else's blog. Although some have apologized for their abusive actions, not all have. So, for some reading their shamful actions days, weeks, months or years after they occur ed sucks. But, just bc it has been awhile since the abuse happened, it is still a fresh wound for me!! Bc thi sis my blog an my place to vent things out (both the good an the bad,) I don't feel like a time frame needs to be kept. Like I have only a certain amt of time since the abuse to discuss it. IRL everyone knows how I feel about I know how they feel about me. I'm open and have always given any of the opportunity to be able to contact me. I have never blocked any of them, nor have I ever told them to "never contact me again." I'm more mature than that. I believe in the power of talking your issues out in order to resolve them. However, I have never been given the opportunity in return to do that. So, I vent to people IRL and then I vent on my blog or fb.

It is incredibly unfair that G had to be brought (yet again) into the middle of this (by getting phone calls and texts.) As he has NEVER read my blog! Many times on my blog I asked that if people get offended or upset by what is said, that they stop reading. (I even very clearly asked that G not be called.) I am the writer, these are MY thoughts feelings and opinions! Not his (although he usually has agreed with least until the phone rings.)

It is equally unfair that I'm being called out and told that I am an awful person (who has never been taught to only say something if it is nice.) Although people may not agree with me, I am able to say what ever I wish. Being asked to censor, or to remove, or to "only say nice things" is ridiculous! Has that favor been returned to me? NO WAY!!!!! I have been abused! Almost daily someone would call G and talk shit about me. Do they post it on their fb? YES, they have! Why am I the only person in the world who (according to them) has to "play nice." I did play nice for years! Even with the abuse I kept my mouth shut. I made sure that G, Kiwi and I always went to every family event we were able to attend. If we were in their area, I made sure that G called them to invite them to join us. Did that stop? YES!! It stooped when the disowning occured. G is so hurt by all the abuse, I am so hurt by all the abuse! BC of that, I had to make sure that my children would never be hurt by them and their abuse, so I distanced us from them. As any good parent would do. Abuse is abuse and abusers are abusers....wither they are family or strangers. It is our job as parents to protect our children from abuse and abusers!

If you were hurt by what I've said here, on my blog.....then I'm sorry that you read it. I react to the abuse by venting on here. You all know that we don't get along, and how IRL I feel, so why would you willing come on here to read what I have to say (after years of not giving a crap about me or my feelings before.)? That would be like going to a gay club if you are a homo-o-phob...... why do it?!

Another than I need to address is my post yesterday. Prior to the mother (I originally wrote about ) leaving, I expressed my thoughts and feelings about the issue. It is not my place to make the choice or decisions for her or her family. so I didn't feel the need to keep bringing it up and "beat a dead horse." I wrote what I felt. I honestly felt that this mother abandoned her child. (After calling G and raising hell about my post) The person was mature enough to contact me about the matter. I have since learned new things that I didn't know. Do I agree with her decision....HELL NO!!! But, I now know that she didn't abandon her child, as I had though to be the truth based on what I knew from her and the family for years. That makes me so HAPPY!!! I thought it was disgusting that someone was praising this persons mothering abilities, when she wasn't mothering. That is why i made the post. Like I said I have since talked ot the person and we have different views on the matter.....but I know in my heart now, that she Did not abandon her child. Which is great!

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