Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Onto the next chapter of my journey.....

Where was I? Right....

So, after 6 years of ttc, I got a divorce. With that divorce I saw my dreams disappearing. I had invested so much into my first marriage. (Time, energy.) My internal clock was ticking, loudly at that! I didn't take very long for me to pick myself up and move on though. I mean, I was separated for about a year before I filed (due to circumstances that I couldn't control.) Plus, honestly, I wasn't in love with my ex. I don't think I ever really was. I was in love with the fairytale.

During my separation, I meet and became friends with G. He was nice, sweet and young. LOL. I didn't think of him as relationship material because of his age. He is nearly 7 years younger than I am. So, we were friends. But, he quickly won me over. :) We started dating at the end of June 2006. You would think that after having gone through a bad marriage, and still in the process of divorce, I would be more guarded with my heart. WRONG!!! LOL. I fell in love extremely quick with G. It was a new experience for me, as I had never been in love before. So, a month to the day after we started dating, G proposed. I eagerly accepted.

But, I am jumping the gun here. I must say that during the early days of our courtship, I told G that I may not be able to have children. I told him of the many years I had ttc with my ex. I also told him that I wanted to adopt, because, more than anything, I wanted to be a mother. I told him that I really did not want to do anything medical because I felt that if God wanted me to get pregnant (again,) I would be able to. He told me that he understood and agreed with the decision to adopt, if our relationship progressed. As you can tell, progress it did. :)

10 months after we started dating (and one week exactly to the day from the finalization of my starter marriage,) G and I got married. April of 2007. Needless to say we spent the entire 10 months ttc. We were doing the old fashioned way, plus I was using a fertility website to help with an ovulation calculator/ calender type thing. (Which I had started using the last year or more in my first marriage.) We weren't really expecting to get pregnant, but I was really hoping. I had to come to terms then, that I may be the problem.

After we got married, I dug my adoption research back out. I narrowed down the many agencies to 2 I really liked. W/in the our first year of marriage, we went to an orientation for the agency I liked the best. We learned alot of great things. I was ready to sign up then and there. It was after the orientation that G bared his heart to me. He is the last male in his family to carry on his last name. He felt so strongly about that, that he desperately wanted to have a son, one with his own bloodline. I love my husband so much, that seeing his soul, I agreed to look into what was going on. Do some tests and see why we couldn't get pregnant.

.................................To Be Continued.....................................

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