I left you hanging, wanting to know if our ivf cycle worked. If one (or both ) of the 2 embryos placed inside me stuck. Making us pregnant, and parents!
Well, after the 2ww, we did the blood test. On July 7th (I remember the date bc I have people close to me with bdays that day) the phone rang. It was our RE nurse. She had the news........BFN (Big Fat Negative!!!!) It didn't work! I was so incredibly devastated! I remember running to my room and throwing myself onto the bed sobbing. G had to make the calls to our family members. I couldn't even think of saying the words.
To me, the bfn meant that I had lost both the babies. It felt like a miscarriage to me! It was awful! But not only was I mourning the loss of my babies, I was also upset that I had put so much into the ivf and it failed, plus I knew that tubal removal surgery lay ahead. G couldn't understand why I was so upset. He insisted that we'd get pregnant next time, not to worry. He didn't understand why I was so upset to have the surgery. To me the surgery meant that I would never, ever be able to naturally become pregnant. I would never be able to make love with my husband and conceive a child from that love. It devastated me! I had hoped that the ivf would've worked, and that it would have some how cleaned out my tubes, and that I could have a baby naturally in the future. Now, I knew that hope was ending, with the removal of my tubes.
True to my style, I didn't stay down long. I picked myself up and pushed on to do what I needed to do to have my dreams of being a mother come true. I called my OBGYN and made an appt to talk to him about the surgery. We went in shortly after the 7th. I was a nanny at this time to a friends little boy. They were taking a vacation in mid August for a week, so I had that week off. I sorta told my doc that I needed to have my surgery then. He complied. In mid August of 2008, I went in for the out patient surgery to remove my tubes.
I woke up in recovery hearing the nurse on the phone saying that she didn't know what to do that the patient wasn't breathing properly. I thought how scary....then I realized that I was the patient!! I was placed on oxygen to help me breathe. Then, nature called. I told the nurse that I needed to potty. She handed me a bed pan. I have never used one of those, so I asked her what I was supposed to do with it. "Just go" was her answer. But, go I couldn't. Something was wrong. My bladder was so full and I couldn't go. I was in pain because of it and crying. The nurse tried to put a catheter in....failed.....tried again....failed (more pain and tears on my end.) She finally got another nurse to do it, third time was the charm. Relief!! But, w/ my breathing issue and now that I had a catheter, I was emitted over night.
The week following my surgery was hell. I was dizzy, nauseous, weak. G had to work, so I laid in bed all day long, too dizzy to walk to the to make food or refill my water. I finally convinced G to take me to my doc. I guess I had an allergic reaction to the anaesthesia. He prescribed me some meds to help with the dizziness and nausea. I was back to normal w/in a few weeks. However, I had to wait 6 weeks to fully recover, and before we could try ivf again
...................................To Be Continued..................................
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